i wear this eye kohl stuff right. and so far i haven't managed to figure out how to keep my mouth closed while trying to put it on. can anyone relate?

i avoid saying i'm bored. lately i can't escape it. i've actually become bored with myself. i'm a constant irritant. day in day out. the same situations and the same frustrations. the same inability to prove that i might just might be good enough to be who i want to be. sure when i'm feeling all oh it's just a matter of time and i can handle this i say i'm a late bloomer. this i know is a feel good tactic. to be honest. i'm tired. i'm tired of me. i was talking to smalls earlier and she was asking me what if this doesn't work out as planned? i adamantly said if i can't have what i want i won't settle. the reality, as she pointed out soberingly, is that i will have to. so. what then? i'll just throw it all away. i'll get married. i'll be happy then, right? cause when you sign that contract you instantly become happy. you have no fears of not succeeding and become a different person. you have a profession. it's official title is just married. you go to different homes and people ask you what you do and you say oh i just got married. you are someone else. and the fact that you were insufferable to be around before even to yourself is eased totally. and you are in ecstasy now that you have not only your stupid self to take care of but someone else too. then to fill any other void i would have lots of muslim children. i mean if i can't contribute to the ummah in the field i've chosen then i can't just sit back. might as well do what i can do. i can just add to the populace and maybe they can contribute to the ummah. i'm helping, right? i'm fighting the good fight, right? i'm in no way undermining a mother's job. that is not at all what i mean. and i'm not just saying this because my mom and some of my favorite moms read this blog. so yes i think a lot more of mothers but for now let's put aside what i think of motherhood. and continue with my favorite subject: me, ofcourse. i'm just thinking right now i need me time. time where i try to become a success. yes it's only a success in the professional life and that there are other successes that i haven't even taste tested like religion and family and community and all the other aspects of life i'm not going to name here because this point will take too many turns. you get it though. i need some down time. so i'm moving to china! who's with me?

found this schedule i had made the first week of classes [last january] in the midst of my notes today.
6 hours: school
4 hours: study
8 hours: sleep
6 hours: miscellaneous: pray, read Quran, commute, shower, eat, family time, friends time, nap
at the end of the year what depicts a normal day more accurately is swapping study with sleep. and on occasion, sleep with miscellaneous. talk about wishful thinking. i'm so tired right now that earlier i was crying because i couldn't make myself study or sleep. not out of sadness. just out of sheer exhaustion. what do i do?

one of my neices is sitting on my lap tracing out the features of my face as i'm typing this. i've noticed that she keeps outlining the circles around my eyes. she might be too shy to say something. i'm too shy to tell her to stop. it's time i got some sleep

i'm crrraving [please trill/roll the r's excessively for maximum benefit] some anar ka joos [pomegranate juice]. the kind only a street vendor would deem fit for consumption. the sort that is not legal except for in 3rd world countries. illegal like this outfit [kurta/jeans] i'm wearing. i could do this for a while but i'll spare yous guys [this time]

ya Allah! we're hurting. i'm in shock. i haven't been able to think after finding out about the tsunami and the human cost. there is nothing left except grief in my heart. what is it about this painful event that keeps my twisted self glued to find out more for hours? trying to carry on petty conversations is useless. trying to study is even more so. not that i want to do either right now. dua is in order. and help. it's our duty to. i'm aching. then numb. inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon

my latest party picker upper is the cap to a friend that hbiddy ran me through right before she introduced me to him this last time i was in ga. it goes a little something like this:
dude: i've bought these two candy bars and i'm not sure which one to eat first. i like this one but i also like this one
hbiddy: why not put peanut butter on one and put the other one on top like a sandwich
dude: ooo i wanna snack with you
HAHAAHAHHAHA haiii me.

english translation of duas for studying is from jannah.org the transliteration to these duas is also available there

In the Name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Kind

DUA BEFORE STUDYING
O Allah! Make useful for me what You taught me and teach me knowledge that will be useful to me.
O Allah! I ask You for the understanding of the prophets and the memory of the messengers, and those nearest to You.
O Allah! Make my tongue full of Your remembrance, and my heart with consciousness of You.
(O Allah!) You do whatever You wish, and You are my Availer and Protector and the best of aid.

DUA AFTER STUDYING
O Allah! I entrust You with what I have read and I have studied.
(O Allah!) Bring it back to me when I am in need of it.
(O Allah!) You do whatever You wish, and You are my Availer and Protector and the best of aid.

DUA WHILE STUDYING SOMETHING DIFFICULT
O Allah! Nothing is easy except what You have made easy. If You wish, You can make the difficult easy.

DUA FOR ANXIETY
O Allah! I seek refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being oppressed by men.

DUA FOR DISTRESS
O Allah! It is Your mercy that I hope for so do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for a blink of an eye and rectify for me all of my affairs. None has the right to be worshipped except You.

about me. i'm tired of people with identity problems. i feel like they are a self imposed struggle. i mean honestly. why do you want to be labeled? or not as the case may be? no more of this nonsense i says! there are bigger problems than what you want to consider yourself. enough of this self centeredness [made up word? i. think. so.] . you can call me a muslim by choice. you can call me a sunni by sect. you can call me a pakistani by nationality. you can call me a punjabi by birth. you can call me a kashmiri by blood. you can call me a bhatti by clan. you can call me an adult by age. you can call me a girl by looks. you can call me a student by occupation. so you can call me anything. as long as you call me, baby

so has this happened to anyone lately?
chai: siraf shalwar kameez istaree karain please
dude: acha baji
[few days later]
*chai walks around with a crease in front of her jeans*
-take 2-
chai: please wo doosray kaprain istaree nahi karain
dude: acha baji
[few days later]
*chai walks around with a crease in front of her jeans*
-take 3-
chai: please in kaproun ko nahi istaree karain, bus wo walay
dude: acha baji
*chai walks around with a crease in front of her jeans*
-take 4-
chai: main aap ko dekha daitein houn kistara istaree karnay hain
dude: acha baji
*chai walks around with a crease in front of her jeans*
-take 5-
chai: mainay aap ko kaha tha kay inko nahi istaree karna
dude: acha baji
*chai walks around with a crease in front of her jeans*
-take 6-
chai: bus aap chor dain
dude: acha baji
*chai walks around with a crease in front of her jeans*
-take 7-
chai: pata nahi aap kya kartain hain
dude: acha baji
*chai walks around with a crease in front of her jeans*
yeah so i love that someone is here to iron my junks. est the good life i tell you what

alright the other night i was laying there reflecting some. and i've broken it down to two types of people. people who love to be admired. and those that admire them. people who love to be admired shower self praise so much that sometimes they don't realize that what they seem to recall about their greatness never actually happened. this is the type 1 personality. and the ones listening in on these people actually encourage them. this is the type 2 personality. when there is an expectation of type 1 personality, then type 1 tries to fit into that persona by further glorifying themselves. sometimes even lying maybe without realization. i would go as far as to say that they need type 2's to put them on a pedestal. here this happens a lot. type 1 can be anyone. as always, we must resist and refuse the nafs

so my parents and my baby bro have gone to austria for skiing. and i'm in the middle of exams. does life seem just a tad unfair? thought so

earlier tonight i was at a party hosted by da momma. a good time was had as always. highlight of the evening for me was my failed attempt at hi-yah! karate chopping the gingerbread house. icing was super sonic strong so as back up i had to palm the door in. which was also most excellent

dear abu ji and mummy
asalaamalaikum
how are you? hope all is well. so today was a little rough and i like to think that i did alright but my concern is why i can't seem to test well. it's not like i don't take all of this seriously. i do. and i wish that i could get somewhere with this. the more i want it the further away it is for me. i realize nothing comes easy and it's only going to get tougher but i'm just wondering if i'm having such a hard time already then what's going to happen when as i get closer to the heavy part. i'm having second thoughts about all of this. at the same time i think maybe it'll be better if i repeat this year at school. sure it sounds like a waste of time but at least i'll know what i'm talking about. inshAllah when i get through all of this i can look back and laugh at how stressed out i sound but right now i'm seriously considering doing this all over again. what do you think?
with lots of love and hugs,
m

exams starting decemeber 22nd. please pray i do well inshAllah. because. in the end. that's all that counts.

alright kids. i'm back. i would like to give a special thanks to the following for keeping this place happenin':
sanchez
le hermana mayor
Adam Hassan
Alejandro El Estrella

This is my last guest appearance on this blog (please, hold the applause until after I'm done) because "Chai" is angry (yes, as usual) that everyone loves me and nobody loves her (same for the "awww"s, save 'em). Keep it general, she emails me. If I can't talk about people then I can't talk about anything else, I email her back. She replies, don't write about me at least. I reply to her reply, I guess I'm just too shallow. She thinks, whatever, punk. I think, since this is my last blog a direct hit on "Chai" is in order.

On burping. Isn't it amazing how repulsive that is otherwise? When you hear it from her it's a right. She justifies it with, "Dude, it's natural. Everyone does it. I just do it loudly." "And in public" I add, fearfully.

On being right. You would think she acts the lady she claims to be. Nope, not when she's right and she knows it. She answers, "That was probably considered bad manners, but she was about to be mean." "Yeah, pre emptively attacking her makes it alright" I suggest, with obligation.

On promises. We all grew out of crossing our hearts and hoping to die if we ever told by now, no? Who am I kidding? She starts with "promise you won't hate me forever if I (insert something closer to illegal than not, emotionally traumatizing, any form of vandalism, a step above the grossest thing you can imagine, etc., here)" "I, uh, see, um, oh, er, well, ah, ok, hmmm, yeah..." I sum up, dumbfounded.

On friendship. There's no way you can tell me she doesn't know the meaning of someone to chill with. Even though she never keeps in touch she's someone I'm glad I met. She questioned, "Do you think you'll remember me when we're old?" "How could I not? You have this way of coercing people to be comfortable around you the moment you meet them. And then really queasy when you're about to leave them" I knew, ofcourse.

Much respect,
Adam Hassan

Florida Muslim students are setting the wheels in motion to have both Eids declared school holidays beginning in 2005. Alls I gots to say is Woo Hoo! Jummah Mubarak, y'all!

la hermana mayor

I'm asked to keep this short and not related to "Chai" so ofcourse I am forced to do otherwise and not make eye contact while I'm doing this. In my history with "Chai" I am always the victim. I mean always. She asks sweetly. I decline nicely. She stares me down. I oblige. It's a vicious cycle. I can site examples to prove this ever since I've known her. In fact, I will.

It all began when she came to the IMU office to pray. She asked if she could have the office key for a minute. I said no. She stared at me as if I had just cursed at her. I said okay let me finish up here. Then she asked me if I was about to pray. I said no. She stared again at me as if she had just cursed at me. I had no choice but to pray.

Still think she's innocent? She forced me to try Japanese Juijitsu [where she gave me a bruise on my calf and made me look like a wimp in front of all the other boys who commended her on beating me]. She forced me to try Wright Cafeteria [where she made friends with a fob at the Dunkin' Donuts counter and took the liberty of giving my number to her so I could never face her or get my coffee]. She forced me to try IMU lounges [where she would leave me to miss my class when she couldn't bring herself to wake me up or so she said]. She forced me to try X-ray Roger Jimmy [where she knew I hated that kind of music but still made me take her along]. She forced me to try Ali's on 4th Street [where she managed to make me cry even though she knew I couldn't handle spicey food]. She forced me to try Naseeb [where she told me to put up a picture of myself for all the so called honies so I could get hooked up]. She forced me to try this blog [where she even called me a punk for making fun of her eating habits].

I'm sure I need therapy for all the trauma she has caused me.
Peace,
Adam Hassan

I went to a party. How swanky was it? This one lady was wearing a gold chain from one shoulder down to her waist. I could'va locked a bicycle up with it.

sanchez swanky

If they made mosquitos in different colors then we could use them for decorative purposes. They look kinda pretty drifting about the light fixtures.

sanchez

Have you ever read a gripping book so intensely that you chewed up the inside of your cheek and the dentist reprimands you? No? Just me then.

la hermana mayor

So I did some laundry by hand. With my feet. Greek grape-stomping style.

My toes haven't been this clean since I was a fetus.

sanchez

The Wisdom of Master Yoda, Sheikhul Jedi

-"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

-"Truly wonderful, the mind of a child is."

-"Wars not make one great."

-"Try not! Do or do not, there is no try."

-When one of his students expressed unbelief at Master Yoda's use of the force, Master Yoda replied, "That is why you fail."

-"No different. Different only in your mind. You must unlearn what you have learned"

-"Always in motion is the future."

The Humor of Master Yoda

-"Lost a planet Master Obi-Wan has. How embarrassing."

-"When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good you will not."

collected from: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Star_Wars

Alejandro El Estrella

Sipping hot chocolate and cringing but continuing to eat really sharp salt and vinegar potato chips after a long day of physical labor and watching a Jackie Chan movie with your Dad. Good times. Jummah Mubarak, y'all!

la hermana mayor

Someone I know has a red leather coat that makes her look like a rock star. I'd be jealous, and could possibly steal it, but I'm afraid it wouldn't fit me. I wouldn't know what to do when the sleeves tore off when I tried to cram my shoulders into the jacket, hulk-style. Besides, I've never been very good at signing autographs.

'air guitar' sanchez

I've known "Chai" since college. She has a funny laugh and is a riot. Once I made her laugh so much that she got angry with me. That's when I was introduced to her infamous "maddy waddy" face. Classic.

Being stupid and young we would come up with attention getting things to do. Like coming up with a hideous way of laughing when it was really quiet. First you get people staring at you. Then you get people to laugh at what an odd laugh you have. Then you get people to laugh loudly (because it's contagious). In a matter of minutes people at neighboring tables are laughing too. It's so money. Some of my best memories of IU are with her.

I digress. Back to why I'm here. Her ability to eat is dubious. Scary even. I remember it like it was yesterday...
We used to study together at the IU student union (she studied and I slept) but before that she would eat. We would get together after she was done fighting with her Japanese Juijitsu buddies. That was her excuse for needing to eat so much. It was always surprising to see how much a girl of 5'3" could eat. Once in the same sitting she ate her pizza slice while I was still trying to pay for mine. Then she took mine. As if that wasn't enough she had an orange juice, an apple, 2 or 3 bites of my second slice, all of my fries and as she was reaching for my water when I had to ask her to stop. Since then we have never had dinner together because she came up with excuses like "Oh, I couldn't call you back because I was in a coma" and "I just came back from the hospital after a liver transplant" and "Buddy, today is graduation day, I already have plans to have lunch with my family" I don't know if I miss her or her excuses. All in jest my friend. My point is, who has seen this little girl eat? And, is it just me or is that not normal?

As always, this is done in all fun and jocularity.
Your best friend forever and ever until water do us part,
Adam Hassan

Last night I dreamt about aliens attacking the earth, which is fairly cliche. The solution was interesting though, we had to find the master computer and hit ctrl - alt - delete so that everything could be reset and humanity could go about resetting itself. So we did, but unfortunately that reset the animal population too, and instead of aliens there were now long legged, intelligent, tree-climbing wolves that moved like sloths. Which were an even worse problem than the aliens. What's the weirdest dream you've ever had?

sanchez

This Week's Headline from The Onion: Iraq Adopts Terror Alert System

BAGHDAD—The Iraqi Department of Homeland Security recently released a 10-level, color-coded homeland security advisory system that will alert citizens to the risk of a terrorist attack within Iraq's borders. The country's current threat level is elevated, or Code Yellow-Orange. Citizens living in towns with populations of 1,500 or more should prepare for the smoke of burning vehicles to obscure the sun and expect hostages to be tortured for several days before being killed. Should the terror risk level rise to Code Orange-Yellow, it is likely that hostages will be left alive only long enough to dig their own graves.




What color is your neighborhood?

la hermana mayor

Real friends are ones who can see your dirty laundry and not lose respect for you.

Christmas under. Where?

There are some days when I am clinically brain dead. Today is one of those days. And by clinically I mean unofficially and by brain dead I mean sleep-deprived, but brain-dead and sleep deprived are the same difference in my case. Take, for example, the following thought I had when the microwave wouldn't work:

Must be alseep. I shouldn't wake it.

sanchez

If I put my head down on the ant crawling across the prayer rug, is the ant martyred? But if the ant dies righteously, and I am the one who kills it, am I not the oppressor?

But rather, if putting my head down on an ant killed me instead, I would be the martyr, because it would be me who died in the attempt of righteousness, where the ant was just a prayer-rug invader. It's not my fault my head is stronger than the ant. Can't we both be martyrs?

sanchez

There are so many different kinds of Med Students. Which one is Chai? Click here and vote.

la hermana mayor

The rules of engagement

-Will all the other mysterious people and Far Side Fans (rock on) who have access to this blog kindly leave a signature at the end of their posts. That way I don't have come to the blog and find that I've unknowingly updated. In my sleep. And it's brilliant.

- Chai's blog has a post limit of one fresh blog per day, and it is available on a first-come first serve basis. Sanchez is looking forward to some sneaky competition to mysteriously update. In my sleep.

- Sanchez's first name is not Juan, but Carlos.

-Sanchez fell up the stairs twice today in a period of ten seconds. Knuckle number L2 (Left hand, second from the left) has been skinned and Sanchez did not cry. Much.

-sanchez

I can, with both hands full and only one foot on the ground, turn the doorknob with my knee and push the door with the respective foot, opening it just enough for me to fall ungracefully through the gap. What's your super power?

sanchez