This is my last guest appearance on this blog (please, hold the applause until after I'm done) because "Chai" is angry (yes, as usual) that everyone loves me and nobody loves her (same for the "awww"s, save 'em). Keep it general, she emails me. If I can't talk about people then I can't talk about anything else, I email her back. She replies, don't write about me at least. I reply to her reply, I guess I'm just too shallow. She thinks, whatever, punk. I think, since this is my last blog a direct hit on "Chai" is in order.

On burping. Isn't it amazing how repulsive that is otherwise? When you hear it from her it's a right. She justifies it with, "Dude, it's natural. Everyone does it. I just do it loudly." "And in public" I add, fearfully.

On being right. You would think she acts the lady she claims to be. Nope, not when she's right and she knows it. She answers, "That was probably considered bad manners, but she was about to be mean." "Yeah, pre emptively attacking her makes it alright" I suggest, with obligation.

On promises. We all grew out of crossing our hearts and hoping to die if we ever told by now, no? Who am I kidding? She starts with "promise you won't hate me forever if I (insert something closer to illegal than not, emotionally traumatizing, any form of vandalism, a step above the grossest thing you can imagine, etc., here)" "I, uh, see, um, oh, er, well, ah, ok, hmmm, yeah..." I sum up, dumbfounded.

On friendship. There's no way you can tell me she doesn't know the meaning of someone to chill with. Even though she never keeps in touch she's someone I'm glad I met. She questioned, "Do you think you'll remember me when we're old?" "How could I not? You have this way of coercing people to be comfortable around you the moment you meet them. And then really queasy when you're about to leave them" I knew, ofcourse.

Much respect,
Adam Hassan