nano's protests are becoming more vehement. ofcourse my requests are becoming more ridiculous too. realzing this i still live to please so until i stop doing that...pleasing, not living...i'll do comply. just so everyone knows. i really really didn't want to but i did.

some days more than others i want to be a drummer in a rockband. today is just not one of those days. i have the hair but not the time today.

earlier today nano said she had to go do something about a dish cooked yesterday. isko teek karna hay. [this has to be fixed]. she won't make it correctly the first time. she has to have everyone yell at her and then the next day present it in a fixed altered form which nobody approves of still and then she eats it by herself all the time saying...acha may to yay he khaoun gee as if anyone was stopping her.

i had to pass up a delish dish of chicken salan because the meat started floating at the top with the grease. even i have standards. jeez. i noticed i'm a lightweight when it comes to eating the really greasy stuff. the core of socially acceptable fun to have here is just that. over there i would be like let's do something fun. here it's let's do something fattening.

check 1. check 2. mic check. hello? after checking up and sort of comparing my views to others and this is by all means a personal check. not really exchanging what my views are of other people's views because that is sure to get confused looks. anyway back to the fact that i'm the mack and i know that [much respect to whosoever can guess where that's from]. ok. i know i know. focus. so here it is: after a little reflection i think i'm suffering from a case of reverse snobbery. is that as bad as the original stuff? as a minority i'm going to have to say no. but i do realize things are getting out of hand and my views make me sound much like my sister. she thinks she's from the ghetto whereas we have been blessed with a better than the average yusaf [as in joseph. short for joe. nevermind] lifestyle. i'm just against abuse of the privileges one is endowed with. i know most people are but what i mean is that i've been voicing it lately which is no good because i am taking advantage of those same things much like the people i've come to hate. basically making me a hypocrite. i don't want to live my life like that. change takes time though. in due time. meanwhile, i'll say it again. i have become the monster i so detest.

got my girlie stuff done with my cousin in pindi right. and every single time. and i mean every single. they want to mess with my eyebrows. i'm very particular about my eyebrows. one of my friendships was based solely on them. i cherish them. as i cherish mine i judge others on theirs. this further proves what a superficial person i am. ok. back to the subject. they don't appreciate it so ofcourse i had to regulate on them. and when i did i got looks as if i was telling them not to touch their eyebrows. shoo. do you ever feel as conscious about your decisions as i do at a beauty parlor more so than at other places where you have the right to demand the service you want?

surely you don't impugn my credibility? i read that today. i'm going to start talking like that. this word has officially entered my day to day speech. has it yours?

a demand for ruse de guerre sits with me [first time word usage, i hope it went as well as i thought it did]. i gotta figure out how to deal with everyday goings ons at school. during the last 2 hours of school all 110 students are crammed into one dissection hall with staff et al. there are also 2 dead bodies in there with us. the doors are closed. and this afternoon they shut off the fans. i made the plea to the people who take care of the dissection hall and they said the same switch is for two fans and that the fan above one of the bodies shouldn't be on. ever know how it feels to suffocate? i think i have a real good idea now.

making that stand to succeed and i have been found wanting

at first i didn't avail the 5th gear often. now i frequent it. i think it was because the only corrections from the driver who was teaching me were "baji bus" or "aap race nahi laga ain" or "sur aram say" or "aista baji" i'm glad i'm driving again. everyone thought it would be stressful for me but i don't think so. i like it. actually a lot more than driving there.

jummah is lipstick day for me. most of mine are almost in liquid form thanks to the heat. every friday when they see me the girls be like ooo jummah mubarak and then i cheese and then say kher mubarak. it's a good tradition.

i drove to and from school all by myself today. yay me. i have to get mithai for everyone to celebrate. i think the best part though was when i told mummy on the phone earlier tonight and she screamed and said m i'm scared. hahhahaa. nice huh.

i wrote this for my grandparents a while back. like to hear it? here it go.
My Dearest Grandparents,
You have taken care of me and helped me so much with my new life in Pakistan that I know about and that I don't know about. Nana Ji and Nano, I wrote this for you to thank you for everything you have done for me.

They say life is a journey and not the destination
I am more than honored to have you with me at this station

Whether it's reminding me about milk in the mornings
Or making me aware of this world and leaving me with jokes and warnings

Or deterring me from saying too many ahhh's and ummm's
Or even that strike at my careless attitude and status of lazy um...

You have shared in my happiness and laughter
The scoldings and whatever comes after

Kept me in line with your unique views on life
Putting me thorugh ease with an equal balance of strife

I love you both very much I thought I would let you know
Not enough hugs or kisses will ever show

Your Loving Granddaughter
M

ok. there's an edited version of this out there somewhere but i can't find it now. i thought i would give it to them on their anniversary but most of it was about me. only the following lines were about them:

Hand in Hand both of you have conquered many a daunting tasks
Some small ones with sewing machines and others with masks

Here I thank Allah swt for gifting me with His mercy
By bringing you together, with many duas, happy anniversary!

as it would turn out i ended up not giving them the poem because i had gotten too busy. maybe before i leave here for summer break. or next anniversary? we'll see.

i still haven't started driving by myself. yes it's true afterall. i'm a big pansy. speaking of flowers. in the evenings they sell strands of jasmine flowers between the lanes at traffic lights. you can get 3 for rs.10. 4 for rs.10 if you haggle. 5 for rs.10 if you live in karachi i've heard. 3 go on the dashboard of nano's guddi and 1 in my hair. like i'm all ready to go to a fancy shmancy partay. i'm sure i'll have to add pesticides to my wishlist as the days are coming closer to when mummy and ism come here. but i bet i smell better than you. wanna do something about it? pansy!

how you rant
on you ignorant
vain arrogant
psychophant

still ill at the news

all evening i've been thinking about what meat you eat and what your meat eats.

all afternoon i've been slaving away in the kitchen. you know that burning feeling your face has after you work out. yeah well i'm feelin' it now! i made some pasta and tomato sauce. let's home it goes over well without my nano tryna give it tarka.

all morning my troubles have consisted of trying to get out from behind a firewall. i don't know what a firewall is but it sure is troubling. with arms akimbo i even tried talking it through but nooo. i should get some studying done. peace out from the drrrty south [asia]

here's another story for you nano fans out there. for every girl or newborn my nano makes these bags. they are made out of a hanger [varying sizes on the basis of need] and a piece of rectangular cardboard covered with contact paper and cloth. the cloth has ribbons and lace and whatever else that can give it that femme look. if you're a newborn your mom puts diapers in it and maybe towels and baby shampoo and baby powder and baby oil and everything else baby. if you're of the female persuasion then you can put your unmentionables under there. this is where you say under where? and then we all laugh. and then we all realize how immature i still am. and then we all frown. much like when nano found mine in the guestroom closet strategically hid behind nana ji's winter wears. she confronted me by asking me "you don't want this?" belligerently. and if you know nano you know the look that accompanies the frown. i courageously said no thanks i don't need it. and she says well you can put your things in there and just hang it in the bathroom. i know what i can do with it. now if i know anything it's this: everyone checks your cabinets while in the bathroom so what would keep them from checking out the contents of that bag with all the frills? ofcourse i don't voice this and just take the bag back. now it hangs in the bathroom for all to see. and those who can relate to this story...what have you done with your bags?

on a weekly basis the physiology department curriculum includes tutorials. during these 2 hour tutorial there's a quiz over what's covered during the previous week and then there is a drilling session. my roll number was called. i was supposed to explain the involuntary esophageal stage of degluttination. that's a fancy word for swallowing. anyway i'm explaining the nervous control by starting out with the sensory afferents that transmit impulses through trigeminal and glossopharyngeal nerves. that's a fancy name for the 5th and the 9th cranial nerves. and i'm discussing with much confidence how the medulla oblongata recieves these impulses from the mouth. and then i say something super stupid like the swallowing center lies at the level of the tractus solitarus muscle. i managed to put a muscle in the brain. for a second i didn't even realize my mistake until i saw a slight smile on the instructor's face and i had no choice but to laugh at myself which was followed by our tutorial group laughing at me. it was great. one of my good friends and i usually run things by each other. if there's a topic we've studied we explain it to each other just to make sure we have an idea of what we are talking about. so every time that she asked me i answered with well i don't know i managed to place a muscle in the brain i don't know if you should concur with me. sigh. i like my geekiness.

happy birthday mummy!

stickers seen on cars and taxis by me here:
no tension
don't touch me
stoner
ladli
chikna
thankyou goodbye

what have you seen lately as a bumper sticker that struck your fancy? [disclaimer: i don't use struck your fancy in every day lingo. it's in jest. surely you must understand this]

cockroach siting 3: no crunching involved. as i was doing my wudu it just came out to pay respect. i nodded in acknowledgment. i finished and left quickly.

another perk of living here is driving. at first i was a little intimidated but now i love it for the following reasons or violations as you may see it:
a) no self respecting person will abide by traffic laws
b) 2 lanes can be changed to 6 lanes in a matter of minutes
c) stick shift

beautiful muslim warriors you've brought up
cute little things and then they grew up
now they won't stop
regardless of telling them to stand still or shut up
i can see why at times you seemed fed up
but now those memories make for good gupshup

happy mummy's day

today my nano asked me if i wanted some pasta. knowing full well i love that stuff. apparently it loves me right back and doesn't want to leave me. so i'm thinking ok i'll get chicken noodles. because if pasta isn't in a salad which means that it's doused in vats of mayo then it's in chicken noodle form. so after a little while she comes by and asks what i want it with. and ofcourse i say anything is fine. and she says what did you have it with while you were there. so i say with tomato sauce. so she says i'll make it for you like that. so i say thanks nano. she comes by a little later and asks again how i make the tomato sauce and i said i used to just add onions or green peppers or sprinkle some grated cheese on top of the sauce. so she says ok i'll make it for you like that. so i say thanks nano. she comes by a little later and says it's ready. so i come to the dinner table. i see the pasta. looks good. a little on the oily side but then what isn't oily 'round here? so i sit down and i ask her about the sauce. and she says it's in the kitchen. so i go with my plate of pasta to the kitchen for the sauce and i ask the cook and the server and both are like oh we put it on the table. so i go back and ask nano where the sauce is and she says oh it's right there. i ask where? she says beta it's right there. i see nothing where she's pointing except condiments. so i ask again nano i'm sorry i can't see it. she points directly to this little bowl filled with ketchup. i say nothing for a second because well it's ketchup. so she says you can put some of the chilli garlic sauce we have but i know you don't eat chillies so i thought i would just give you this. so i say thanks nano. she notices i don't put the ketchup on my pasta so she says beta don't you want to eat that with the tomato sauce and i ofcourse say oh this tastes great plain too. she asks me if i want some butter on it and i just kindly decline from the offer by shaking my head and saying no thank you with my greasy lips. i like living here. i like that i can laugh at myself.

earlier tonight abez and aniraz were over and we were having the usual joust of scrabble. this is what was noted by our official score keeper
scrabble babble
reallyeee? - m
why you gotta playa hate? - m
i'm making up more words and i hope you don't mind - aniraz
it's full contact scrabble - aniraz
i think i might puke - m
m is a dinosaur - abez
alls i gotta say is thanks yous guys

i had an exam in my anatomy class. it's pronounced anotomy in these here parts. i rocked it. it's the best paper i've given since i've been here. at first when i arrived here i didn't do so hot. and now. well. alhumdulillah. i'm just trunkin' along nicely. it's a good feeling. enough about feelings let's go celebrate by beating someone up. any takers?

cockroach siting duex: in the shower this morning. a little baby cockroach. it's a good thing i wear shower slippers. crunch. and a quick sweep to the drain area where it couldn't pass through because the holes were too small. i didn't see it later on in the day. a nice play on sheeda's part. he's got my vote for best jamadar.

who gives an exam right after a vacation? have a heart!

sometimes my nano and i sit on the veranda while it's cool during these short summer nights and we talk. she talks a lot about the family. it's nice because i get to know my extended family. the other night she was talking about my dada ji. they are siblings. my parents are cousins. but that's for another time dearies. she was telling me about how caring my dada ji was and how my dadi ji didn't get married after he passed away because how good he was to her. she was telling me the loving way that he used to treat my dadi ji. you know, at the end of the day, that's what i want. i want to be adored. is that egotistical? i'm at that age when i'm seriously thinking about these qualities. and by qualities i mean showing how much i care and being shown how much i'm cared for. not just improving them in myself but looking for them in other people. when you start looking past the superficial people who are fun to be around only during your good times you find mostly egotistical heartless beings who deep down have this cool attitude. the cool attitude that's too cool to care. i'm a little taken back by the type of people i meet these days. and these days as in these last couple of years when i've started looking past just the basic company and for qualities. i wish for the old days when your friendships lasted only until the playground and where you didn't think much about commitment and caring and what not.

oh my God. the funniest thing happened. i ate so much biryani last night i literally passed out. it's never happened before. it was great!

my cousin's coming to visit today. i'm pretty psyched. i need this break.