living in a home dominated by women is a totally different experience. to be honest. i don't really know how to describe it. except with everything is everything. meaning there's so much drama. and i like that. so much importance is given to every little thing. if boys were around you would know they wouldn't care or show their apathy with that "oh..." whenever you said anything. but not when a buncha girls are around. i'm going to give a fake example. "oh no! i can't find my hair tie thing! why me???" everyone scatters around looking for something to tie your hair up with and most of them find something. ok that was a terrible fake example. in fact. it was a complete lie. so i'll get back to you on that example bit

just to pass the time while i'm fasting i'm going to go around smacking people *slap* and yelling silencio!

i'm not much of a sharer. and by that i mean one who shares. i know there are other definitions for this. so sharers. i like it when others are. like ushi. she's been taking care of me. she shares her bedroom, her bathroom, her blanket, even unawares her toothbrush. i kid. i kid. ok so here's to ushi. you sharer you

we hang on to a certain joke in the family during ramadan and it pulls us through every sehri. although this year i wasn't with my nuclear family i was still surrounded by family. family that understands me. family that won't let go of a joke until you can't breathe any more and you might need to start screaming so everyone quiets down just so you can let the pain in your stomach subside and add to the already beaten joke and start up laughing again. this year it stemmed from when ushi was picking up my bowl before i was done. triggering an episode where ushi and lali were on an airplane and the airhostess took her drink before it was done. in our minds what happened next was not that she politely said sorry and replaced her drink with another one [i.e. the truth] but the following...
- handed her the same can from the garbage bag
- shuffled through the bag to find a random can
saying "this is good too"
-- "this has a shade of lipstick that suits you"
-- "if i can drink from it later in the back you can too"
-- "if the kids i'm smuggling in the kitchenette don't complain, you shouldn't either"
-- and so on and so on
*phew*

the other night i slammed my left hand into the car door. pretty slick, eh? i thought so. so as my hand is shut in i'm just casually saying ow ow ow. by the time i open the door [what's bad is it wasn't slam! ok door opens. it was slam! door is still shut on my hand] there was a little dent in my knuckle initially that went away. what's really sad is i can't tell if it bruised or swelled up because my fingers look puffy at all times

jummah, jummah, jummahhh! jummah! [so what tune is that done to? any takers?]

hey you guys! do you know what day it is??? that's right! so d/l it and add iahcchai and let the games begin. if you don't know what day it is then ask ayan

what i want to know is who are you fighting for? not only yourself, i hope

make the worst coffee imagineable. must really like it to want to drink it all the time anyway. tried quitting. no cigar. started drinking this stuff with a vengence. as if it OWES me. you ever feel that way about coffee?

happy birthday lalinator. ok i know that's not a real nickname we call you but i just wanted to break away from the lali mc dali. converted to yours truly to lali mc dals. mc daal. ok i should stop. have a wonderful day and many more inshAllah

being back here reminds me of a time when we was young. not because i have many memories [i have an annoyingly horrible memory correlating with my sense of direction but that's another story for another time dearies] but because my family talks about and reminds me of our old times here. which is a good thing. one of them was our trip together to mickey d's. what i don't remember is if we had a good time there. what i do is that we had a good old time getting there. cue flashback sequence please. my taya has a driver named yakub. he was told to take us to mcdonalds. unsuspectingly he asks baji mcdunucks jana hay? not having read the word but only heard it. our family being cruel in nature and deed decided to latch onto that. every few minutes one of us would ask where we were going. poor yakub. if it wasn't mummy it was r phupo. he had to answer. bechara. to this day i can laugh and i don't think it's ever going to lose it's funniness. ofcourse we took it one step further as we always do by making up our own words. mc dondalds. mcdannas. mcdonallas. mcdopatta. and so on and so on

pajamas are mmm

participated in turbo taraweh. usually sleepy. never breathless. not this time though

for the next few weeks i'm here in lhr at my phupo's place to study. on my way here i use the infamous daewoo bus. it starts from pindi and reaches here 4.5 hours flat. there's a daewoo express that takes you from f8 isb to pindi for rs20. so i hopped onto one of those and we were on our way through the dustiest and fastest way to pindi with the windows down. i found myself in a layer of dust and sweat. neither of which were mine. dust gave me a headache. the sweat was just ugh. i must have absorbed the sweat of the previous person who sat there through my clothes. ill

watching the news has become debilitating so i'm doing what everyone else is doing. keeping on with my work. but there are moments in my day where i have to stop and think there are people who thought they were going to live the next instant and didn't. a major twist in my perspective. trying to put more value in my time

when i'm all growed up this is where i want to be

i enjoy taking pics of people eating. if you're eating then i'm probably observing you with that glazed look. if only it wasn't weird to frame pics of people eating. i'm trapped in a society that won't understand me. a hostage!

living with your grandparents 101. the secret is to use your memory to your advantage. remember the stories. remember what happened. remember when it happened. remember where it happened. remember whom it happened to. remember how it happened. remember why it happened. remember when to laugh. remember what made them tell the story in the first place. pay attention to the stories in the beginning. when they are in a gathering re telling a good story you can chime in and give pertinent details as they pause to remember themselves. this not only keeps the story at a good pace at a party but also gets you in good with your grandfather. it has to be done in a classy way though. time it right. and know the mood of the situation. you're not smart so quit being a smartass. these only come with living with them. and that is how you can be a good granddaughter on the sly when you're pushed for time you can spend with them thanks to stupid med suckool. classes will resume shortly after break. there will be a pop quiz

be honest. how many bugs have met their doom at your monitor?

what's more ridiculous to observe? a scrawny man with a painted on the body glove shirt or big burly dude with white gloves on a motorbike worried about tanning his hands. or. like in my mind. there is no comparison

oh mah goo'ness. is hello the best pic exchange program or what? if you guys don't have it. download it. if you do. download it again anyway. it is that good. anyway y'all need to send me pics. and i'll send some back. this is all in practice for the official pic exchange day which is on october 27th. it was established some time last week when yasminay came up with this fantastic idea. mashAllah what a genius. i am humbled. ok so my id on there is iahcchai. get to it. this is gonna be fun. trust me. i know about these things

smalls has a friend j who introduced us to a made up word: ala ka duz duz. so it sounds dumb. it's because it is. but you'll randomly say it over and over again. and that makes it funny. or so i think

last night i got dolled up for a party and realized i don't have that many intermediate clothes. i'm at both extremes. super shiney shadi silks and casual cottons. can anyone else empathize?

yesterday we were over at lil grey's place. we as in aniraz and i. aniraz officially named a drink lil grey made. it's called [insert lil grey's real name]'s redemption. now THAT is a cool name. for a classy lady's deadly drink. ow! i'm going to have to find a reason to go over again. ideas?

ok wow. the first 10 days of ramadan are over with. i believe these are the days of mercy. so why aren't i taking advantage of this again? already behind on my goals which isn't a good sign but i got a master plan. although by definition master plans aren't supposed to work out what i mean is i've got a game plan. it includes sleeping little to no hours. wheee! jummah mubarakain holmes

using my baby cuteness for awesomeness not evil. remember when that 1/2 was equally important in your age? happy 6th and 1/2 birthday liver!

we're watching dramas late at night with my cousins and one of my cousins tries to catch me up with some of the background. there's this woman. for our purposes she'll be known as the woman. alright what follows is what my cousin is dictating to me. first they both loved each other and she was expecting his child and then he married someone else. although they weren't married because his mother wanted him to marry the other woman. then he got divorced from the other woman and then he got married to the first one he loved and after that the child was born. all within 9 months. so when the child was born his chacha killed the child because all of the property was under the child's name and the chacha wanted the property. after that. the woman was very hurt and she divorced her husband who's brother had killed her child. then she started working with this other person. then that [sic]. she got to know she was pregnant again. this is after the divorce. when she went to the ex husband he denied that the child was his. so she got married to that person that she was working with. when the ex husband got to know via DNA paternity test he wanted to marry the woman again. the woman divorced her co worker husband and married her ex husband again. then there was a misunderstanding between them. because he thought that the woman started liking the co worker ex husband again because she used to meet him very often. because of the misunderstanding the ex husband divorced the woman. after that. they got to know that the new child had gotten bone cancer and they needed bone marrow of the child's sibling. so what was required was another child with the ex husband. so the woman remarried for the 3rd time the ex husband. then the woman had a child and they transplanted the bone marrow and lived a happy life. only for a few months. then the baby that donated the bone marrow got kidnapped by the wife of the chacha who had killed their first child. so the woman re divorced her ex husband and re married for the 3rd time her co worker ex husband. and had a child with her co worker ex husband. bus. so we're still waiting. the grand total is 5 divorces and 3 marriages per ex husband. for some reason i always thought that people watched dramas to unwind. i wouldn't say that that's exactly light

ok i think i've seen a different version of this. a friend of mine sent this to me last night when i was telling her about this idiot at school. enjaaai!
dear God
i pray for wisdom to understand stupid people
to love them and to forgive them
and i pray for patience for their arrogance
because, dear God, if i pray for strength
i know i'll beat 'em to death

only 4 people responded? you can't shell out 5 bones? right then

you know i'm no eloquent writer. so i'm going to give it to you straight. alright so my family is buying blankets and tents. winter is coming. in order to provide aid for those people who have lost their homes we need your help. this is miniscule. but we are trying. we could use some help. if you can help it is much appreciated. the blankets are at rs 270 (approximately 5 bucks) and the tents are for rs 7000 (about $120). i'm giving round figures not because i am casual about this but because transportation and distribution of such materials is going to cost as well. this is just a drop in the bucket but inshAllah it will help. please do what you can. contact me at youareemailingchai@yahoo.com. e-mail me and we'll sort it out. i can give you a u.s. address to send your donations to as well. or if you would rather donate to a relief organization that is well known then do that. please do something. if you can't donate money then at least pray for those who are less fortunate than yourself. please. we need you. jazakAllah

yesterday we suffered from one of the worst earthquakes that has hit this country. besides a small percentage of the wealthy most of this country is poor. the middle class is almost non existant. most people live in villages and a small population live in towns. a lot of the rural areas have been hit the hardest. due to this earthquake whole villages have been destroyed leaving countless homeless, several injured and many dead. inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon. they are still counting bodies.

severity of this earthquake came as a serious shock when we found out that 2 apartment buildings a few minutes from where we live collapsed to the ground. a pile of rubble lays there with enough spectators but without the facilites to help those who are trapped underneath. since yesterday people have been trying to move concrete blocks piece by piece. they do this by hand because we don't have proper emergency relief or equipment. there are a few helicopters circling the area reporting the damage. but we don't realize the seriousness of all of this because we haven't really left our homes. the roads are blocked to the area so even ambulances are having a difficult time going through to take the victims for all too necessary medical care. the crowd gathered around to help has been an actual hazard since it's difficult to move the debris with them surrounding the access to the rubble. also people are fearing being close to the actual buildings because there is a third tower which has questionable supporting structure due to the other falling.

after the actual earthquake around 9a we still felt tremors until 4p when there was another one. not as huge though. alhumdulillah. being on alert is exhausting to say the least. watching all of the damage at the margalla towers on tv is depressing. i wish i could help. i have friends who were helping at the site yesterday. in such adversity i curse my own helplessness. i wish i could do something. anything.

but what can people do right now? we need tools such as huge cranes to help lift the debris to rescue the unaccounted for family members. people are being rescued one by one. i'm not scared. i'm just sad for those who are trapped. and that not everyone realizes we may be hindering the rescue process by being there to help but actually blocking professionals if any to get to the scene.

personally, my family has been recieving phone calls since all of this started. especially from friends who know we reside close to its epicenter. we listen for the birds getting louder and the dogs barking right before all of us leave the house for open ground. everyone is quiet. we beg for mercy from Allah swt. i see my family members worried and i'm concerned about their health and mental peace.

last night it also started storming. actually there was a hail storm. Allah hu akbar. we're being tested when we are in dire need. please make dua for all of us. my family and close friends and their families are safe. alhumdulillah. but there are many that are not as fortunate. please take out some time to ask for help for them in your duas.

this month is a month of blessing. we can ask Allah swt anything because He is the most gracious. this earthquake is a true calamity and i'm asking you to keep those who are suffering in your duas. i have to go now to keep the phone lines free to inform those concerned. sorry if this is haphazard but i'll write more when i can inshAllah

today my cousin hussam is keeping his first fast. he's 17 years old. he has down syndrome. this year he insisted he wanted to so we're all rooting for him. mashAllah

ramadan just makes me smile so much. it's as if all this reward is presented to us on a silver platter. just take your pick. it's so easy to please Allah swt. just try it. any of it. especially giving. it's delicious. the reward is just waiting. Allah swt is the most gracious. can you even imagine the reward from Him? i know i can't. but to start. sigh. happy ramadan indeed

one of my cousins calls underwear avender haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahhaa. i'm done now

alright besides praying 5 times a day and reading Quran everyday in arabic and english here's what's up

1. attend taraweh prayer at faisal masjid every night
2. memorize 99 names of Allah swt
3. work on memorization of some favorite surahs
4. no naps during the daylight hours so i can maximize ibaadat time
5. dhikr Allah until i pass out every night

here are my targets. let's see what happens. ramadan mubarak!

i got new tech help! rah rah rah! alright ima splash around

my abu ji and i have matching marks on our left shoulders. his is dark brown and mine is light brown. abu ji used to tell me when i was a little girl that when i was a baby both of us were in the jungle and we got attacked by a big tiger and a baby tiger. the big tiger scratched abu ji and the baby tiger scratched me. and they both left identical marks on us. i'm not entirely sure i trust this story. especially when i'm pretty sure that it's a treasure map

i read *grumble grumble* in dear brigitte originally published as erasmus with freckles by john haase a poet professor is forced to write for a card company something known as "sick" cards that are in a sense biting. here's what he comes up with

too bad you're illiterate
or you'd realize i'm
wishing you a happy birthday,
stupid.

we're having a masquerade party.
come as a human being

i'm not feeling well. therefore i'm justly skipping school. and all this self pity is making me feel even worse. i should have just gone. besides that i miss nano. random hugs are a necessity in life you can't deny me. i feel denied. dejected. i'm going to go read or something. look at what you're making me do. what have i become? not a reader i hope *shudder*

the funny thing about practicing self control is that you have to judge yourself. and that's always tough to do because you may have put up your own boundaries but when do you see yourself crossing them? like when you tell yourself you won't speak up when someone is making it a point to be right. although you could retaliate with a coherent and persuasive argument you just know that it's going to spread something bad about if you say anything. even if the person is being a complete and utter fool to make it a point to show that he/she is right and you know exactly how to shut them up it's better to keep silent and hence keep the peace. but what if you feel like you're being stepped on? or worse. what if you feel like someone else is being stepped on? do you go ahead and say what it is that you are thinking and decisively keep them quiet or even show anger or resentment towards you? or do you take it. in my limited experience i take it. and make dua for myself that i don't feel angry or frustrated. and dua for the other person so that they don't do bad without knowing and that if they do it with the knowledge then they have the sense to stop. and then for the victim. although i'm quick to pick up on someone else's dirty work i won't react. maybe that comes with age. i know it ain't wisdom

ramadan is coming up in a couple of days. what i want to know is what you guys are going to do different this year. what is it that you'll be doing to make this ramadan more special than the last or the rest of your months? i don't have any specific goals in mind yet so i was hoping to copy some of yours. the healthiest competition would be that of piety. so let's decide on some realistic bars and try to encourage each other towards attaining what we want out of this special month. to be honest my last few ramadans have not been memorable in that i didn't do what i set out to in the beginning. although this month is filled with so much reward i haven't taken advantage of it. any thoughts on how to get started and then go with the same focus?