slumming with the students that crowd the staircase this one kid decides to tell me his woes. 99.99% of women on earth are beautiful he says. the bottom of that 0.01% are the girls in our class he continues much to my disgust. i say what the hell do you mean? he's like not you. i wouldn't be telling you this if i meant you. take her for example. i wasn't impressed

got gypsy hair. landed the gypsy gig every halloween. what's funnier is that we had all the clothes at home and just mix and matched shalwar kurtas. am i a desi or what? awww yeahhh. homemade 4 life!

almost every evening we sit with nana ji before he goes off to sleep to massage him. it's called moothe here. some one grabs his feet. another person grabs his legs. someone gets his back/neck. he never refuses. apart from the obvious reasons of allowing his body to relax i think another reason is how good it feels to be touched. that's more important than a kind word sometimes. i remember nano's hugs [may Allah swt have mercy on her] and man did they ever fix everything momentarily. hugs were unlimited. now even the basic quota is hardly filled with my khalas/mamii around. sometimes it makes me so sad i can't speak. actually i think that's what happened initially. when she passed away i wanted to quickly escape everything and tried to stay at home as little as possible. any time nana ji talks of her with fondness i have to run off like a little pansy so nana ji doesn't see me crying. i can't possibly imagine the heartbreak he feels but unfortunately i can't do anything about it. i feel paralyzed myself when any other family member brings up a good memory of her. i miss her so much

thanks to amansuri i had a glimpse of memory lane msa daze

why do you give? do you give to please Allah swt? do you give because you are aware it is following the sunnah and hadith of the prophet s/a/w? do you give to set an example for those around you? do you give so others will see you and approve of you? do you give to prove to yourself you are who you want to be? do you give because at that moment you know you have? do you give to relieve yourself of any burden that comes with having?

i lost my number, can i have yours?

my baby monkey is officially a freshman today! woo hoo!

i'm a huge fan of the beatles. when i was younger. that's about 7 or more years ago. marlene used to say i was george cause he was the ugliest beatle. some good that did for my ego. you gotta love friends like that

i miss my baby monkey. those curls are criminal! mashAllah say

for the past so long every sunday smalls, 3rd party and i plan on going for "long drive" it's pretty close to as silly as it sounds. jump in the car and drive and basically chillax. talk if you want to but no need to entertain. today was it. we were to go to angori. so after a huge breakfast that had all 3 of us ready for naps at 10 in the morning we decide today is it. today it's gonna happen. we are going to go outdoors! in the day time! not as dramatic as it sounds. but really what ever is? well for a while we had been hearing about this beautiful place from 3rd party that was only a while away and it would be a great picnic spot and we could take a grill there [which has been lying in my car ever since winter in high hopes]. although it was too hot to be outdoors grilling and we had had that big mama jama breakfeast [oh i forgot, he made us chocolate milkshakes that sucked so bad i wanted to cry so to avoid hurting anyone's feelings i just held my breath and drank up instead...oh oh i remember when i was younger i couldn't bring myself to drink milk so i would just hold my breath and drink it. i think it had something to do with the straight from the cow smell] hi. i'm back. ok so we drive out there for 2 hours and when we get there. get this. it's all dried up! hahahahaha oh man the look on his face when he saw it perfectly said what he said then. i can't repeat what he said right now but let's just say it wasn't pg13. and this is coming from the person who doesn't curse out of the 3 of us. ahhh priceless. we trek down to the bottom and sit around for a bit. mostly just making fun of how much he had talked it up. after a while that got old so we start throwing rocks close to each other to cause muddy water to splash each other's clothes. what can i say? the fun never stops. even when you wish it would. at first there are no alliances. later there were pacts made between smalls and i against him too remedy the situation. sun soaked, splashed with muddy water and tired we returned to take some major naps. what a wonderful day

yeah so people here get a little excited about their pronunciation of the letter qaf. you know who you are

20.05.2005. fancy that

such a deviant at times. the key is to never be bored. ta da! i'm a genius sometimes. mashAllah say

lately i've been thinking lots about my hopes and my dreams. on top of my list for the longest time is to be closer to Allah swt. the way i figure i will be is by being more aware of what i do. to do things out of habit is good to a point. but while praying all the words/actions come to be automatically and my mind wanders. to build up to the point where i'm able to concentrate during the whole time is a constant fight within me. in fact i realize that i wasn't paying attention and make a conscious effort to start focusing on what i'm saying again and by that time its over. this happens multiple times during salat. i don't know how to cure it exactly. it seems to me that the prayer is like a hidden treasure. i know it's there i just can't get to it. i go through what is prescribed but lose in the end. i don't feel it. that's what i don't know how to get back. feeling

is it me or is it all uphill?

feeling fat. i dub this here week fat week. exciting really

kid at school essa singing random lyrics. i shake my head and say no clue yaar. and he's all shocked and says the silliest thing: how are you gonna get into heaven if you haven't heard so and so? i'm not gonna let you in! ha!

swimming to unwind. now famished. oooh old popcorn

thanks to these wonderful parents a few [only a few!] decades ago today i was blessed with an amazing lady. mummy. Allah swt is the most gracious

gave away a secret by mistake and topped it off with showing apathy only when i got the i can't believe you just did that. well. i didn't mean to hurt anyone. i won't embarass everyone by crying but know that i want to

dummy faces

there's a task of making the trolly here that i wasn't familiar with until recently. now i know it as one of the rites of passage for every girl. unfortunately i didn't spend my early teens here and thus did not realize it's importance. that any time from a few hours to a day before the prescribed time you'll be told that we are expecting guests and that there is a trolly to be made. that it's on your list of chores to do. that it should be scheduled in to your daily routine. go to school check take a shower check eat lunch check do homework check make a trolly check

do i hate goodbyes or what. this morning had to bid the z sisters adieu. HAD to. they forced me into it. didn't want to partake but couldn't help the situation. not having enough energy to grab on to their ankles because was so drained. ifyouknowwhati'msayin'. so. they're leaving for the u.a.e. because i got boring. or for a better life. like my self centered explanation better. it seems like i've known them for much longer even though it's only been a year and a few months. funny how you think things are going to be the same and then all of a sudden your friends up and leave. lock, stock and barrel. they'll be missed. mostly cause i will never be able to get the same laughter re: boiled underwear, eunics or other stupidities. we'll have this bloggerationship. yeah that doesn't sound right to me either but it's already out there

recently purchased the nirvana lounge cd. track 5. punjab. very sexy and sweet

snacking here. there's no such thing. now if you have a serious snack attack you can go to the local shell station and grab some munchies but in nana ji's house there's never anything just lying there. i mean there is food. like atta [flour] or frozen chicken or fresh vegetables. but that requires cooking for a good few hours and so is not in the quick snack category. and here i rest my case. there is no such thing. you don't go snack shopping with the groceries. snacks here are a wonder though. like nimko. that stuff should be illegal it's so good. and mithai. well that's more dessert like than snack like. the rest of the snacks like samosas, pakoras, channay key chat, dai balay can't really be brought home to be left. although most khana [real food] is self preserving due to all the oil and spice snacks aren't really. even bakery items can't be left around. i forgot what the point of this was but this was what i wanted to say before i had the projectile vomit [re earlier post] thought

what's the take on women going to the grave yard?

last week i watched this one show on tv. arrested development. no. not as in the band but a sitcom. i actually laughed out obnoxiously a couple of times. that's what's good. maybe it's cause i haven't watched tv in such a long time

enough is enough i want the '80s back

caught myself talking to myself. mulitple times. is that a sign of insanity? or maybe just loneliness? i'm surrounded by plenty of people all the time though so it can't be the latter. cornered myself into being crazy. yet again

addiction of late: bbq masala fries at 1p2p

thought i had something noteoworthy just now. until the image of projectile vomit entered my head and now i can't remember what it was. guess that's all for today. carry on