great aunties are hard to come by. alhumdulillah i've been blessed with a few. i'm not talking about aunties by default that may be my mother's age or older or have kids my age or a little younger. i'm talking about khalas [mom's sis], phupos [dad's sis], mamis [mom's bro's wife], tais [dad's older bro's wife], chachis [dad's younger bro's wife], etc. who make that extra effort or take out that extra time to be thoughtful to our needs

love family reunions. can't find any time to myself except for alone time in the bathroom. not even that if i'm not fast enough.

sweet home indiana

today's stop was atlanta botanical garden.  nice and relaxing.  if i was going to stay here i would get a member's pass.  i like to waste my parents' money like that.

i like to make up things.  it's called lying in some places.  hahaha ok j/k.  i mean inventing things.  like this afternoon i was thinking about a diet as i was munching on cashews.  it's called the nut diet.  i'm too lazy to do anything about my creations so i guess i'll just say patent pending in hopes that that will detract you from not stealing my ideas.  well this nut diet.  all you do is eat nuts.  but you have to eat salted ones.  especially something heavy like cashews.  that way you feel really thirsty.  and when that happens you have to drink water.  you can't drink sugary drinks or ice cream based drinks.  after a few glasses of water you'll feel full and not want to eat anything and you won't snack on the wrong stuff.  i'm sure cashews factor into the wrong stuff which may deter from your initial try of deviating from such snacks.  that's where self control comes in.  7 to 10 cashews per glass of water.  that should work right?

feverently fascinating frequent.

while waiting in the car my sis dedicated bon jovi's
shot through the heart and you're to blame
you give love a bad name bad name
i play my part and you play your game
you give love a bad name bad name
you give love a bad name
isn't that the sexiest song ever?
[i looked up the rest]
you paint that smile on your lips
blood red nails on your fingertips
a school boy's dream you act so shy
your very first kiss was your first kiss goodbye
whoaaa you're a loaded gun

just came back from the circus!  it was the greatest show on earth.  ain't no party like a fam party 'cause a fam party don't stop

i love that my abu ji takes us to do random things when the family is all together. yesterday our fam went for a safari type thing at pine mountain. here's me getting friendly with the animals 

earlier i went with my sister to fountain city coffee.  mckenzie was too loud for me.  i got all excited to play scrabble with complete strangers.  why am i so old?  i'm an old soul.  why i had something caffeinated that late is beyond me.  insomnia makes you do crazy things.  like go on naseeb to read other people's journals.  and play literati with complete and utter strangers.  and blog at odd hours.

here's my review of the bourne supremacy in 3 words:  too many free hand shots, too many close ups, clean, good story line, nice close escapes

jum jum jummah time.  jum jummah time.

you HAVE TO check out yasminay's blog's comment box from the sun was just yellow energy [july 15, 2004] post

lead vocalist to the hives is cute in a my so called life's jared leto way

y and l flying in from detroit tonight.  the fam's back together again!

ok so my literati bro has boycotted me.  i need a new literati friend.  applications can be directed to youareemailingchai@yahoo.com  busy and important people need not apply

u2's all that you leave behind took me through ky.  how appropriate.  half of tn was all about sikora's turtle tracks and the hackers soundtrack.  i squeezed in a little arabian dance party too.  ga was all about the radio.  it's a wonder what sort of junx is on the radio these days.  npr filled part of the silence.  got a little time to do some thinking.  like how my academic life is in shambles.  love life the same.  family life is good.  spiritual life needs improvement.  social life i'm content with.  and afterlife under construction.  hey so i'm pretty comfortable.  alhumdulillah.
this bit of reflection has been brought to you by a roadtrip.  thanks goes to the horse who's eyes must have dried out by now and the suffering he had to go through when he was hit with bugs flying at 90mph.  thank you runaway ramps for trucks.  thank you 99c gas station cappuccino.   thank you HOV lanes before 4p.  thank you strawberry twizzlers.  thank you septa-state view point.  thank you obnoxious big daddy fireworks signs.  thank you "we're glad georgia's on your mind" sign immediately followed by "welcome to the volunteer state" on entering ga.  thank you nasty tasting cinnamon flavored orbit gum.  thank you filled tank at $17.  thank you aunty's generosity with traveling allowance.  thank you backed up traffic in downtown ga.  thank you semi truck that sent something flying at the windshield.

ism started shaving.  i'm at a loss for words.  i was just hoping that this sort of thing could be put off for at least another couple of years.  it's hard to digest these things about your baby siblings.

so finally louisville is on the map.  we have a hard rock cafe now.  i was there earlier tonight for dinner with my bff's.  that's best friends forever for all those people who didn't get your year books signed in middle school.  alright being back in the midwest has it's perks [fam and friends] and jerks [random strangers attracted by the hijab].  i think my head cover is a super christian babe magnet.  i swear the trouble it gets me in!  anyway it was loud in there but some good music was playing...mr marley et al and video killed the radio star was blaring too so that was cool.  very actually.  ok the server starts up a conversation while we're waiting for our order.  we figure ok that's fine.  over friendly server chatting us up for a nicer tip easily lost my interest but for the amusement of my friends i was still nice to him.  i continue sipping on my coke [no ice].  and ofcourse he can't resist so he asks where we're from.  my friends and i answer correctly.  and then [i think he had this prepared before coming up to wait on us] he starts to tell us how we're free to wear whatever we want and we're free to practice our religion the way we want [to ourselves we're thinking...kinda like right now how you're letting us practice how we want without finding reasons to bother us as in a conversation about telling us what we're free to do].  but being the good kids we are we behave well as he ends the conversation with "enjoy your stay in this country ladies"  at that i cracked up.  my friends were embarassed at that point at how i didn't wait for him to leave until we all started laughing.  sigh.  God bless this country...and every other

apparently love is in the air.  everyone and their momma's are getting or trying to get engaged, married or pregnoid.  and i can see through the people who are trying to drag me down with them.  i won't go without a fight!  ofcourse i pray they get what they want if it's good for them.  they are in my duas as i hope i'm in theirs.

so swimming sleeping studying socializing saps saturday stamina

jummah jummah take a jainamaz.  bless me with it now

i just watched 2 1/2 hours of the tv guide channel.  not that i'm not a fan.  it's just that it's never been where i couldn't tell you what's on.  i couldn't tell you if i blinked.  i can't sleep.

last night's conversation with chan
me:  "so i hear your lumberjacking days are over with"
chan:  "well, ever since the pancake incident"
AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHA
yeah i typed laughter.  so?

just had the funnest roadtrip ever.  why you ask?  it wasn't the music.  although listening to sikora's turtle tracks on loop could have been ok.  but not for 10 hours.  hanging out with nano for 10 hours straight was way cooler than expected.  i thought she was going to go to sleep.  nay. 
she was talking for most of the trip and refused to even close her eyes "i like to see all the..."
we pointed at different boards and made fun of them "jumbo sized shrimp...more like donkey sized shrimp"
so we talked "did you know..."
a lot "do you remember..."
i got dirt on everybody! "i was so surprised..."
i got great memories of the village "you know your dada ji..."
i got funny stories about when we were indians "i was on a train..."
i got sad moments in the past "people don't know that they hurt others when they..."
i got silly habits from adults "...and he didn't even know.  that simpleton"
we shared so many things.  i was painfully dull.  she was amazing.  i'm going to be exactly like her when i grow up.  belly included.

why hello there. i'm on my way to indiana to wreak havoc 'cause you know how we do. nano and myself are on a mission. i plan on taking plenty of bathroom breaks which also means food breaks. it's a vicious cycle. as i'm sure most humans know. oh the downside is that there will be little to no music. which may be tough seeing as i'm sure nano will be sleeping most of the way. nano isn't a fan and i'll respect that. or i might just turn around and gank hbiddy's junx. the upside is i'm taking my sister's car. it's a stick. yay. i myself am a superfan of roadtrips. poll time. what's your fav? peace out from the dirty souf. here i come midwest!

hey who do you write for?

ok here goes. the flight was easy peasy. we [nano, mummy, ism, abez and aniraz] flew into chicago where i picked up 2 different chics. which usually happens in the beginning of the flight. i guess i'm losing my touch. a good thing though. but this time it happened near the end. i was trying to get to my carry on which was obviously too heavy to even lift over my head. i wouldn't have it any other way you see. and this aunty sort lady is like "you look familiar" so i say "oh?" she said "yes, i think i've seen you somewhere" i say "are you from isb?" she says "yes" i say "hmmm" she says "i think you were on the same flight i was on a month ago" i says "well i haven't been here for the last 8 months" so she says "oh, were you at isna" i say "yes, last year, right?" and she says "yes, i think i saw you there" i say "oh, maybe, i'm sorry i don't remember" she says "yes, i remember" and then i fake try to talk to ism about something important because i didn't know what else to talk about with her. we smiled at each other from across the luggage carousel to end our relationship. the other chic was the bulgarian who wheeled nano around in the chicago airport. very nice but a little too. what's the word? forward? i'm not into that. in a matter of minutes i knew she had been in the country for only 6 months. she had just gotten married. she had a 3 year old son. his name is dennis. she flirted with every other guy. she also had too much make up on. the only thing she got out of me was that i was going to atlanta. that was on the tix too but i guess she didn't know what else to talk about. so i talked and apparently she was comfortable enough sharing everything with me. i think i prefer that. that i find out more about someone else during a conversation than i share about myself. it's a game. if someone else is playing that same game it's a challenge. if not, then it's easy. and i'm not into that. we also had a slight tiff with the security. actually by we i mean my mother. first my mom packed a carton that said biohazard on it. the security guy is like we have to open and search this. and my mom was like that's fine. and she laughed and said i didn't realize that. and he's like this is not a funny matter. this is serious. someone could have taken the box and burned the contents due to the sign on the carton. and so ofcourse that made my mother laugh more and the guy had this i'm angry at you for not taking me seriously face. but my mom didn't care so we just shrugged off the delay. on the other hand there was a little quarrel as we were asked for a random traveling while nonwhite check. while we were waiting to spread 'em and get felt up there was this dude who wanted to check my mom's purse. so she said from across that she wanted to be there while he checked the purse and for him to wait. he apparently wasn't able to control his annoyance or his voice and he started yelling about how she could see from there. my mom told the lady that was with her to tell him not to look through her things until she had reached the bag. so the lady did. and that apparently ruffled that dude's feathers even more. so he started getting loud and defensive. there was some heat. and i started laughing. and you know how irritating that is for someone who is angry? and i said something like that dude must have been having a bad day all loud enough for him to hear it and he was further chafed. so he's like let her wait to the lady that was attending to my mom. and that fueled my mom further and although everyone was on my mom's side we asked her to just let it be. i wanted to reach across and climb onto the top of his head and play the tabla to inflame him even more but i figured i couldn't get my hands around his neck which happened to be as thick as his head. i wanted to play tabla on his head and that mental image made me smile so while the dude was glaring at us i could do nothing but give him a cheesy grin. and i know he was angered by that. but forget him. my mom manages to do this every time. she starts stuff. i adore mummy but i don't enjoy traveling with her because of these habits. it was a good trip overall thanks to watching the first few minutes of every movie. sleeping. and watching the end part of the pirates of the carribbean about a gazillion times. if you've flown the new boeing 777 that have joined the pia fleet [or so the cap'n said but i don't buy it] then you know what i'm talking about. i've had 3 forms of coffee since morning. 1st w/ milk. 2nd a mocha frap [it's good to be back at bn again]. 3rd as a mounds iced original from fountain city coffee [a coffee house in columbus]. maybe that's the reason for my oh so long post.

arrived safely. i'll fill yous guys in on the trip later beta.

i'm going to miss this place. fiamanAllah. pray this is a safe trip please.

we just forced the tailor to make 3 shirts within a few hours. is that cruel and unusual? i used to think so.

tomorrow's gonna be rough. it'll start out with a term exam and end with me leaving for the u.s.

yo i was dancing in the rain just a little while ago. and you know what i'm not going to take a shower. try to stop me. ok what have i become. i no longer have any regard for good hygiene. this is what you get for staying here for close to 8 months. viva pakistan. errr. zindabad i meant.

this am i was woken up at 7 with some furniture for the study. now if you know the study you know that there is no room for such frivolties as furniture. that didn't phase the people who brought it. now i have a bed, a sofa, 2 tables and a chest of drawers in there. i hop from one piece to another to cross to the bathroom. the furniture itself is beautiful and worth the bruises i'll be getting trying to find my way across at night

i'm craving channay key chaat. the type that gets you right here. and here.

uber busy. leaving here this saturday for there. very vague. must pack. luckily all my non pakistani clothes are all there so i just have to pack a carry on's worth. that. and my text books. argh!

i'm angry. this is not one of those normal i'm just going to say something foolish and it'll be out of my system and i will never think about it again kind of anger. it's the kind that festers inside and you are so angry you become mute. i don't know how to deal with anger. i just become numb. i sometimes cry out of frustration because i'm helpless at the point. as in nobody can help me and i can't help anyone. i can't even help myself at that time. i'm angry at myself for being a fool. it's when you trust someone after being betrayed that you are a fool. knowing that someone is going to do nothing except hurt you and you still go back for more. ignoring certain things they do so that everything can be happy go lucky. making excuses for their actions or what they say. standing up for them even if in your heart you know you really disagree with it all. denying your core thoughts so that you can please them. it's a weakness i admit. contrary to popular belief among my family and friends, i'm quite the peace maker. making sacrifices that people don't know about just to appease them. and in trying to keep the few people that are important to me happy i become unhappy myself. i hate that. not only is it annoying but it puts you in a place where you know you're wrong and even if it's for the right reasons you're still going to be wrong so why support it. is it a matter of satisfying your ego? i'm not sure. all i know is that when you're finally convinced that you are angry at a person all their bad habits come out and everything they do bothers you. not just that you remember all the times they did behave just that stupid and you still forgave them. i'm angry and my writing is scattered and i'm going to go and sort this out with a pillow and a blanket. preferrably a human blanket.

isn't he adorable...only while he's sleeping 

rhino 

i, too, am speechless 

one of our instructors, dr. abdul rauf malik, happens to be one of the most intimidating and demanding teachers i've ever had. intimidating in the lecture hall only. he's a pussy cat in his office. i went to speak to him about my shameful performance and it couldn't have been a better experience. which goes to show you cannot judge people on how they behave in a certain environment. not that i don't enjoy his lectures. i like that right in the middle of it all he starts mentioning how we know nothing [he teaches physiology so you can see why] and he'll talk about the greatness of Allah swt. not just that, he's got a good sense of humor. most of the kids are too afraid of him to even enjoy his jokes. i don't ever remember being afraid of my teachers. always respected and admired my educators.

today feels like jummah. after a long time this is a relaxing day. no classes since prep leave started 8 this am. a yummy breakfast with my grandparents. it was all easy and lazy until the sun came up. it's been a hot hot hot summer. the sun has this tendency to completely suck out all of your energy when you need it and invigorate you when you don't. that tricky sun that. it's good though. starting to get my summer shade back which i like way better anyway. *sigh* lazy summers are fun. smalls and i have taken it a step further and crossed the line with using abbreviations of words and names even to make sure our conversations coincide with our overall lack of activity.

happy 84th birthday nana ji!

side note: i can only hope to be as active and amazing as he is at this age