i tried my hand at the kitchen today. well technically it wasn't all me. one of mummy's cousins comes over hinting he hasn't had lunch. mummy suggests i go heat up some parathas [how do i even translate that? potato mix in oily dough?] and get the raita [marlene's translation: yogurt sauce] from this afternoon. oh and get something thanda [cold]. so i venture into the kitchen going over my plan thinking
1. a quick spin in the microwave
2. some resorting of yogurt in a bowl
3. just add water and ice to some tang
7 minutes max and i'll be out of this heat. nooo. why would it be that easy? first i'm intercepted by the cook. who gives me the don't try to make that pb&j again without my help this is my domain look. i ask innocently about leftovers from lunch to give him his due importance. he says there's masala [potato mix] and ataa [dough] in the fridge. i think oh forget this. i don't like our guest that much anyway. while i'm analyzing the contents of the fridge and re evaluating my plan of action he says he'll make it. i say no it's ok. he says he'll do it [reading into my no it's ok meaning oh really? you'll do it? even if it's hot enough to denude skin from your hands and face just standing there? i don't want to be too much trouble but i will if i can disappointed face]. i figure alright he can take care of step 1 and i'll start on step 3 [see plan above]. no tang on site. there. mango squash. check. ice from the little ice trays. check. jug. check. spoon. check. i've got all my equipment with me. now for some fun. i've never made mango squash. that's ok. look cool. just taste test. how bad could it be? after 5 minutes of struggling [5 minutes is a long time when you're struggling] the cook finally asks me if i put sugar in. doh. who puts sugar in mango squash? distracted by my shortcomings in the kitchen i didn't realize my stirring had gotten out of control and not only was i splashing all over the place but the jug was leaking. grand. we transfer the contents into another jug. if he were to sigh in exasperation i would be ok with that. i wouldn't be surprised if i was at myself. well at least the easier part of the job was done. now i can't find the raita because it's in one of several yogurt containers [nobody believes in tupperware cause the halde [if you're desi it's the reason for your thumb and forefinger to have that yellow tinge...i forgot the actual name for the spice] ruins it] i'm searching faster and faster because the heat is getting to me. all of sudden there it is. on my toes. somehow i opened the container and it spilled out. genius. i don't even bother making eye contact this time. i just ask where i could find a rag and he says he'll take care of it. i felt so bad. i go to the kitchen after a good year to do something and i'm what nightmares are made of in a matter of seconds. kher. he was done with the paratha. i was done scooping out the good stuff into a bowl and cleaning off my toes. and tada! a feast for kings in 15 minutes. minus the spilled sticky mango stuff on the table and the broken jug and the yogurt mess on the floor and toes and the fact that he made the paratha and fixed the juice it was easy. i should do this again some time